Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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