false alarm. still invincible.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
