I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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