At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
love makes seman taste better
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
