You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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