you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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