o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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