I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
