ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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