Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
