What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
