it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
