She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
