i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
