I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
