Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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