Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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