In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
