i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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