I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
