Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
