I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
