I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
