i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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