I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
