you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
