T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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