Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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