you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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