I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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