YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
