Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
