Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
