margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
