What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
