Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
