i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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