I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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