Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
