Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
