I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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