This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I need to stop coming to work sober
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
