I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
