I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
