You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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