He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we should paint friendship bongs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
