i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
