my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
