She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
