I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
