yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
