3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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